Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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