I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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