Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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