I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
