I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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