Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
