my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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