he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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