Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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