so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
