So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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