And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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