I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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