I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
