If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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