he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
