I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
