by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
