I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
