dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
