Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
