I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
