Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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