there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
