i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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