He asked to "fluff my boner.."
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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