glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
