i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
