I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
People in love make me want to vomit
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
