i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
