I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
