He asked to "fluff my boner.."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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