you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
