I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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