Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
