So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
