You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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