She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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