wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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