He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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