im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
this will be a night to untag.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
