But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
