i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
