I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
