I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
