I can tuck mytits in my pants
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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