Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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