Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
