please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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