so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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