dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
