Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
