When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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