Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
