guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Who died my cat blue again?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
