I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
