Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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