You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
