The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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