he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
