why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
