he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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