Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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