I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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