we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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